Small people

"it bothers me as well... i dont know WHY i like you as much as i do... and honestly its not that if you die i wont live, its if anyone close to me dies i wouldnt be able to take it.... carson is like a brother, hisgirlfriend Maria is a sister to me, Sonia is a combination of kid and sister, and then theres you... you walked into my life and i havent been able to think straight since, as i have needed to stay by your side to make sure your safe... ill let you rest for now... and despite what you feel, if i didnt suffer if you left us, that ment i didnt really love you... but i know i would miss you...." i said, smileing a little to hide the hurt that her comment gave me as i stood up and left the room, my mood turning sour as soon as she was out of eye sight, and sighed '~she is so confusing... every time it alternates between she likes my feelings for her, then feels bad about them...~'

I crossed my arms over my face, ignoring the tingling sensation. So maybe now I wouldn't die. I held mixed feelings over this fact, as well as virtually everything about me. Even the thought of rest seemed inviting yet unwanted.

"~... honestly though, why must they always be so confusing...~" i grumbled and sat on my usual cot at the far courner of the room and watched from a distance as Sonia began to play with the other children here, and looked down "they finally got us some different cloths to where... pants and a shirt..." i said, looking down, my eyes closeing as i felt a headache coming on

"...I want something to drink..." I muttered to no one in particular. Why were humans so reliant on eachother? If I didn't feel so heavy i'd go get some myself, but I found it difficult to move, and that annoyed me.

"here...." Carson said with a chuckle, walking over to her with a water bottle

"...Thanks..." I muttered, taking the bottle.

"somethin wrong? you seem kinda down..." Carson said, having noticed my additude when i left, he decided to avoid bringing me or how worried i had been up in a conversation

"...Maybe im just tired of being unconscious for three days. Or being alive for too long."

"i dont know what you mean, and i dont care... all i know is that you were brought to us in near death, and we fixed you up, you woke up, and he opened up from being an impossible stone wall, and that you both had troubled pasts... from what i gather, your heavily tested on, and as such, you only know captivity and pain... but HE is trying to gentally show you the way to open your eyes to see things in a better light than instead of just in front of you, like you did for him... and honestly, i liked it better when you hadnt gotten your blood filtered... he had a light in his eyes that made us hopeful, but now, your confusing him and all of us... granted, some of us are leaving in the morning to go explore, but we both know that even if he didnt like you the way he does, he would stay until you felt ready for him to leave him... i remember the first girl he tried opening up to, name was Saria... she was taken, and he locked up again, wouldnt even enter the room for a week until he eventually found a way to forget about her... every time something brings it up, he passes out like he did earlier... just listen to me on this one thing... hes given up so much, and despite you thinking your the only one dieing, he is too... his body doesnt make the right chemicals for him to heal his muscles, and as such, his injuries have been getting worse while keeping us all safe... he... he deserves to be happy, so before you go back to him, make up your mind, make sure you know your feelings, so you dont lead him on... not what THEY wanted you to think, like cause him to fall for you like they made you do, but think of how YOU feel for him... dont lead him on, or give him false hope, let him either be happy, with you, or quietly pass on when your safe so he can forget all his pain, and just have one last adventure, alright? with all the things hes been though, including having to murder the touble causers to keep you safe when we found you unconsious in the hall, he deserves that much, is your honesty...."

My lips trembled softly, thinking about this. It wasnt my intention to lead him on, but I had been trained to do that. I had been a master in trickery, killing people indirectly. But I didnt want to hurt him. He protected me, and was willing to injure himself over me to ensure my welfare. But I mostly felt like I owed a lot to him, almost everything as of late. I couldn't mess with him like this-even unintentionally. But...I supposed it was my turn to ensure his welfare, at least on an emotional level, since I felt like I was being held down by weights at the moment and doubted I could ever protect him. I suddenly felt my eyes water, tears streaming down the side of my face, which startled me. I didn't feel pain, why was I crying? All of a sudden I felt a sinking feeling inside, causing me to cry harder. "I...Im sorry..." I babbled, not even sure why.

"its called Sadness... thats what your feeling... also, Doc said that you will feel weak for awhile as the medication takes some time to leave your system, and he had to give you quite a dose for it to work... hes currently checking on the others right now.... and its fine Risa... im not the one who needs to hear it, its HIM... that idiot would love to hear those words from you, but i know those 3 words you said to him awhile back made him feel worthy of his life, as you made him feel like he was worthy to someone other than a little girl... granted, you might have not known what you were doing, but it still made his day, practically beamed all day after that... its been so long since ive seen him like that..." Carson smiled himself "hey, he will end up coming back later, but until he does, just get yourself sorted out... ill be outside if you need anything...." Carson smiled, glad she was thinking things through "just remember, your not alone here... yours was a relitivly simple fix, but we dont even have a clue about how to fix our idiot, now do we?" he smiled at her as he got up from leaning on the wall and walked outside, leaving her to her thoughts as he called "remember what i said... be honest if anything else, he deserves that much after whats happened to both of you..." to her

I nodded weakly, watching him leave. I rubbed the tears away until my sadness subsided, curling up, hugging my knees, ignoring the tingling. I couldn't be honest, I had no idea what I felt, it was confusing. But until I could figure it out, I'd say I loved him to make sure he was alright.

"....." i grumbled and laid flat as the Doctor came over to me to start my treatment on my leg, as well as figure out how to fix my main problem... "somethin got you down son?" the doctor asked and i closed my eyes and ran my hand down my face with a sigh "yeah, women are confusing as hell, and i like one and she doesnt seem to know what the hell she wants... one second its like she likes me back, the next she doesnt like me for liking her so much..." i said, covering my eyes with my arm

The girl went up to him, eating something. "She doesn't mean it, she is trying to sort her thoughts and emotions."

"still doesnt help ease my pain... its similar to hammering a nail into a wall, and pull it out, the hole doesnt dissapear does it?" i asked with a sigh, keeping my arm over my eyes, wincing as the Doctor began probing my leg

She thought about it for a moment. "...You can fill it with plaster, smooth it out, paint it, and it was never there. But that takes awhile, if you try rushing it it wont fix anything...it can even make things worse."

".... you have a poin, but it still left a mark... she did that to me, and now i dont know how to fix it..." i said, my voice cracking at the word she, betreaying my feelings and the amount of pain i was in, and grimaced as the doctor made me flip overand began to check my back

"Easily answered: she fixes it. Keywords being easily answered." She sighed, flinching at his reaction. "She is strange and seemingly fickle. Ignore it and all is well. Now if you dont mind, Ive got tasks to do," And she skipped off to my room.

"shes strange and fickle, but i cant ignore it... thats what i like about her... shes a challenge for me, unlike all the others here that are easy for me to read and see everything about them...."

"...You guys are the same... confusing..." She muttered as she walked into my room. I gave her a puzzled expression. "Dont worry about it, im crazy," She said, sitting on my bed. "You feeling ok?"

"...... seems all you need is a gene therapy and small surgery to fix your out of balance chemicals being created in your body and you should heal up fine..." the doctor said, to which i nodded and fell back asleep after watching sonia play with the children, in particular a lost little boy who had been picked on

"Im feeling better than I did a few days ago," I answered, covering my face with my arm, "But I feel like a doll right now, cant really move..."

She pushed some hair away from her face while she said, "You know, the doctor wants to try some sort of surgery to fix the irregularities in your genes...I didnt even know that was possible outside the facilities, the technology used there was centuries more advanced, so I dont know how they'll pull that off...or if its even safe..."

".... seems big brother is sleeping... you will meet him later..." Sonia said after a moment, seeing me asleep, so she ran off with the little boy her age

(Who is she talking to?)

"Well, I probably worried you with what I came to blab about, so i'll let you rest-"

"He's okay, right?" I interrupted briskly. "I spoke to him with so little regard to his feelings, and I dont want him getting hurt because of me, but it seems thats all I ever do to him..."

She smiled faintly. "Just keep that in mind. Eventually it will be much easier for you to show your emotions like before, and theyll feel less foreign to you." She seemed to be holding back from telling me something else, but she left before I could ask. I frowned, annoyed due to all of this.

(the lost little boy she made close friends with... ive mentioned him a few times)

"....." i groaned and sat up a few hours later, and i grabbed the set of cruches the doctor had brought me, and began hobbling over to get a drink, and then food for the both of us, seeing as everyone was still busy eating, and i got into the room with some difficulty and waited for a responce