The Most Wonderful Time of the Year? open

I sighed. "I don't think I can say this enough, it's a weird way to live. And that's coming from an empath."

"You get used to it... It would not be as bad if I had a partner." I said simply, flopping back on the bed

"Like a business partner?" I asked, not understanding what he meant.

"Ummmm, in a sense." I sighed, clearly embarrassed by the subject at hand. "Sorry, It was one of those random moments where i speak my mind..." I mumbled, looking to the window and over the city.

"Oh, you didn't mean that..." I said, face palming gently. "Sorry the conversation rolled that way."

"I-its fine. Just a little inexperienced in that field is all." I sighed, closing my eyes with a deep breath. "The problem is, I need someone who asks questions and cares. No one in my social class seems to be able to do those two simple things. It always has to be about them...." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in slight irritation, the buffer she had placed helping to a miraculous degree as i exhaled again, doing my best to relax. "Sorry. I dont mean to vent. Therapist has been a bit busy, haven't been able to match schedules with him..."

"It's alright, if it makes you feel better, you can vent all you want," I offered.

"I-if you say so... I mean, it may as well come out now..." I sighed in responce, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Its partly one of the reasons i fell for you during first year. Ive seen how interested in others you get with activities..."

"Heh, well, it's just that if people feel like you have their back, they tend to do a little better, or at least, they can hold to their confidence better."

(Battery dying. May post later)

"That's just it though. No one can do that that i know of besides your family and my teacher." I sighed, exhaling deeply

"I'm guessing that it's not something at the forefront of people's minds, at least if it isn't a shared interest. It's a lot easier when it comes to sports than say, math? At least for me." I looked up to the ceiling. "It feels pretty good on my end too, as an empath."

"I really envy you... Half the time i cant even tell what my OWN emotions are, let alone people around me..." I grumbled, closing my eyes as my hand thumped onto the bed beside me

"It has its pros. But if I could somehow permanently give some of my power to you so we can both have a more normal empathy, I'd totally do it."

"I would willingly give anything within reason for that to happen." I sighed, running my hands down my face. "It just... gets so old... having to hide emotions... not being able to get super close to someone without worry of them using me... of harming me..." I said, averting my look as i rolled over, looking out the window.

"...I guess at some point that's something everyone worries about. I'm scared of being used and harmed too. But at some point we'll find someone we can be vulnerable with and feel completely safe in their company."

"Don't let it happen... The blows may not be physical, but they still leave marks." I responded, sighing asi attempted to suppress the darker emotions again, able to succeed due to her assistance earlier.

"That's why I said someone we can feel vulnerable with; as in someone we can trust compeltely. It just takes time to find that kind of person. I'm sorry you've had a bitter experience in the past."

I elected to remain silent for the moment, a quiet sigh escaping me as i did so, shaking my head to try and clear things up. Remembering what she had said about the memories, i attempted to think back to the past of fond memories to attempt cheering myself up.

"I think I ended up making things worse for you, I'm sorry."

"No... I need to get these things out... If not you, it would only be someone else..." I responded, sighing as i found a strange calm state where it felt like i could just watch my emotions from a distance. "The problem with being the way i am is that I have to internalize everything. Affection, anger, anything. I have to go through all the pent up bullshit in the end..." I responded, pinching my nose again. "It's just been a long day, and I am still  not used to not taking medication to level myself out."

"They really should've tried finding a better way instead of drugging you, it's hurting you more than its helping you. Humans aren't meant to always suppress emotion." I stopped momentarily, an idea coming to mind. "If you want, I can stick around to help you learn to control your emotions so you don't have to live in a haze."

"Its not that i am completely unable. Its just like... The pills made a glass wall between me and my emotions. Over time, it just kept getting bigger and bigger, and now that its not there, i feel like im drowning..." I sighed

"But if I make the wall smaller you won't be overwhemled. It'll be gradual enough that you won't even notice, trust me."

"And how would that work?" I asked after a few minutes of silent thought

(So, i remember you saying something about your computer acting up and not posting to some threads here or something. Is that what's happening with The Royal Guard?)

(If I leave the browser in the middle of a post, like due to a call or an alarm, it logs me out for some reason and it eats the post. It's not great. I also don't want my posts out of context on my phone, which is why I don't write them elsewhere. That's why I try to post before bed, but if it eats the post I rage quit.)

"I can suppress your emotions, but instead of everything coming up after being too long off meds, I allow certain things through, little by little, until it's something your mind does on its own."